My New Years Resolution

About three years ago a good friend of mine turned me onto a new idea. Instead of a New Year's resolution she picked a word to focus on for that year. I LOVED the idea! So for the past three years I have done this. My word for 2014 was HOPE. It's shown up in my life all over the place.

I reached out to my fb friends to get some ideas for this year. I wanted something with action. One suggested ENJOY. I had joy last year, and even though it's close, ENJOY had action to it. I strongly considered this one. I also considered EMBARK. It also is part of the youth theme in our church this year. But it didn't feel right.

At the same time I was considering word options, I got a neat opprotunity. A friend of ours is putting together some really great podcasts and asked Avery and I if we would share some of our story and some of the things we encountered in the way of challenges with cancer. I had been thinking it was time to start sharing some more of the journey we had taken. Not just the treatment updates, but how it actually feels to have a child with a brain tumor. And all the hardships and all the great things we encountered. Then, I had it. That's my word.


I was watching "Heaven is for Real" (if you haven't seen it, you MUST). The father talked abou when he thought he might loose his son. He said "something inside me broke". This resonated with me. I felt like cancer had broken me in a very deep place. I was blessed this year to move to Arizona. Where we weren't the cancer family. Where no one had seen Avery sick. I was able to heal. She was able to be a regular kid (for the most part). I still carry the scars. The memories and lessons of those two years. When I see another family in the middle of their struggle with childhood illness, I feel it deeply. But I can read those stories now. I can offer support to those mothers. I can use that experience to help. I am ready to share. I want to share.

You might learn all sorts of stuff you never wanted to know about me. TMI to the max. But, I am hoping by sharing with you that I will help you to feel something. Or think of something you have never thought of before.

To start our story we have to start at the beginning. Not like the beginning of all man kind, but with my kids. It's funny how their birth stories actually reflect a lot of how their personalities are. I don't know if your kids are like this but here is how mine go.

Nathan. He came two weeks early. My labor was short (four hours) and very hard. My epidural worked for about 10 minutes. The second dose, for about 5. By that time it was too late for any meds. So basically I had him natural.

Avery. She came right on time. My labor was shorter and harder. The nurse sent us home and she was born on the living room floor. (NOT kidding) It was just me, Chris (dad) and the 911 operator. One day I will tell you the WHOLE story. And obviously, no epidural or meds for pain.

Payton. She came early. My labor was short (four hours) but the epidural worked perfect. It was my easiest labor. I actually enjoyed it. I never thought I would ever say that!

Hallie. Came over three weeks early. Chris was in Seattle. I told him not to go. But in Hallie fashion, she took her time (8 hours) and made sure everyone was at the party before she made her entrance. Oh and epidural did work fine.

What this translate into:

Nathan. He is our practice kid. He makes sure we are prepared for his sisters. Really he is a good kid and doesn't challenge us too much (hopefully that doesn't change!)

Avery. DRAMA QUEEN. Had to make a grand entrance. Had to do make sure we all had something to talk about...for years!!

Payton. Wants everything fair and easy. Loves to be on a schedule. Wants no one to hurt or feel bad. My easiest baby and the only child that can handle diabetes.

Hallie. Total yellow personality. Loves a party. Loves to have fun. She did try to come early and let us know, even though she is the youngest, we were not to forget her in any way. We never have.

There you have it. My first SHARE. And don't thing that this blog is the only way I am going to be sharing this year. I am also starting a little business. I am going to share some of my sewing skills and rent modest, beautiful dresses. Mostly for prom and home comings. I will also be sharing in all aspects of my life. You will most likely hear about most of it.



There are so many things in life that get us down and want us to not believe in ourselves, but I found this address given by Steven Colbert to a graduating class and I thought, if we did this many of us would be much happier at the end of our lives.  So I hope you enjoy this!
"Say 'yes.' In fact, say 'yes' as often as you can…. You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what’s going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you’re lucky, you’ll find people who will say 'yes' back. Now will saying 'yes' get you in trouble at times? Will saying 'yes' lead you to doing some foolish things? Yes it will. But don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying 'yes' begins things. Saying 'yes' is how things grow. Saying 'yes' leads to knowledge. 'Yes' is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say 'yes.'" – Stephen Colbert, Knox College Commencement Address


The Honeymoon is over...

    I am not referring to Chris and I. This is about Payton.  And no, I didn’t just marry off my soon to be ten year old.
     So for anyone without a type 1 diabetic, this is when the pancreas REALLY stops working.  Usually when diagnosed the pancreas works about 2-5% still.  For some this is over in a few months.  For Payton, it’s actually taken almost a year.  And we had about a year and half of testing and watching before that.  So we count ourselves lucky to have had the slow induction into insulin, testing and carb counting. 
    Payton has been on the pump for almost four months now.  And we are super grateful that we had that time to get that part figured out before the big changes hit.  The pump is NOT an easy device.  It does amazing things, but it also requires a lot more work.  Testing at least four times a day and constant downloading to reassess settings.  But the trade off is being able to change as much as once an hour how much insulin she is getting.  That’s cool.  And then you can have it give you 50% of the insulin up front and the rest over time.  Like when you go to a movie and eat popcorn.  You don’t want the insulin all at once when you are snacking.  OH and the BEST thing???  You change the site once every two to three days.  It’s like having one shot verses at least four a day.  And if Payton has lets say a Christmas party, she can snack away without having to give a shot for every few items she eats.  SUPER COOL!